Our new new normal...

Goodness, I'm missing my baby.

January 4th has always been the day circled on the calendar as the end of my stint as a stay-at-home mom. On one hand, I was excited for today to come. Being out among people and doing what I love to do is such a joy for me. I've missed it over the past few months. I feel blessed to love my work and it's something I feel challenged by every single day. But I love my kids....more than anything in the world, and it has always felt wrong to be without them. It's a feeling I never got used to after going back to work when Joshua was born. Whether it was 3 weeks or 3 years after returning to work, it never felt any less uncomfortable and I was always in a hurry to get home at the end of the day. The feeling continues now. I wonder if that will ever go away. But it certainly has not today. Instead, it's intensified as I sit at the office knowing that both of the kids are at home without me.

We are so lucky that Grandma is available and willing to help us with care during the day. I always say that there are two people on the planet who love our kids like we do---- both of their grandmothers. If they can't have Mommy or Daddy, there's nothing better than a Nana or a Grandma to step in. I don't worry for a second when I'm away. I just miss them.

Lauren took her morning bottle for Grandma without incident. I let out a huge "YAY!" at the office when Judy called to tell me that she had done so well. The burden of worrying about her had been lifted, and now all I needed to wrestle with is my own guilt and the fact that, plain and simple, I miss her. I went home at lunchtime to feed her and may eventually get her to be able to do without me for that feeding as it's necessary. But it wasn't today, so I enjoyed the chance to sneak home, snuggle with Lauren and hear all about Joshua's adventures from the morning.

Joshua seems completely unphased by the change, and I'm so thankful for that. We had a talk this morning about him being a good helper and being patient if Grandma had to help with Lauren when he needed something too. It appears that he did OK with that this morning. I'm so proud of the patience and independence he's learned over the past three months. Most of his progress was born from necessity, and it wasn't a smooth transition for him, but he's come a long way. Unfortunately, he's on a photo strike and will not allow me to take his picture, so hopefully it's OK for you to settle for the ones of the baby until I can negotiate a new photo contract with my three year old.

And so, our new new normal has begun. Thank goodness it's gone far better than I could have imagined. Thanks for any prayers that may have been said on our behalf. And thanks to the One who answered all of mine.