The Day I Broke Mara's Heart (aka The Day I Reached The End of my Rope)

Let me just start by saying that I am FULL of blog material.  My camera is bursting with some silly and very cute pictures.  So, we may be in a good spell for frequent updates here.  So, no need to wait the full month in between checking back here.

It may also help that I am more rested than I have been in.....let's see......1 year of Mara being here + 40 weeks of pregnancy + the few months before that that Lauren was actually sleeping well......so.....let's just say a very long time.

Friday night started like any other night time routine.  Mara and I were rocking in her room as she nursed herself to sleep.  We were listening to our Fernando Ortega station on Pandora with the lights out and she was cuddled in like the snuggle bug that she is.  I secretly love this time of the night once the big kids are asleep and things are quiet.  However, I love it for a short time...like just long enough for me to enjoy soaking in Mara's just tubbed smell and watch her peacefully drift off to sleep.  And I was totally over it by the time she started kicking, crying and scrooching around in my arms.  This fight went on for a little while before I had completely had it.  I kissed her cheek told her I loved her, laid her in bed with her blanket and closed her door.

It was much like the night that I decided I was finished fighting with Lauren.  Mara looked at me as though she couldn't possibly understand why I had hated her so much that I would abandon her in her crib.  But I did it.  And the look on Jason's face was similar to the last time I reached this point as well.  Like, "just like that" I decide I have had enough.  My original plan was to wait for 10 minutes and go in and check on her.  At the 10 minute point, she was still crying pretty hard, but it wasn't getting any worse.  So I decided I could stand another 10.  By that time, she was winding down, so I talked myself into another 10.  After 30 minutes, I could still hear her sobbing on the monitor, but the hysterical screaming was done.  She continued to scream every few minutes for the next hour, but wasn't winding up any more, so I talked myself into being OK with it and staying the course.  And so, Jason and I went to bed and hoped for the best.  She woke up the first time at 2:00, and I let her cry for another 30 minutes.  At that point, I figured she could be legitimately hungry since she is used to nursing pretty much nonstop all night long for the past 12 months.  And besides, my milk factory hadn't been given adequate notice that we were shutting down for the night, so I was definitely ready for her to eat.  I fed her quickly and she was asleep again within 30 minutes and back in her crib.  She slept until 10 am Saturday morning.  10 am!!!!  I kept going upstairs to check on her, and this is what I found...

Evidently when you have a year of not sleeping to make up for, it takes a little while to catch up. 

I actually felt horrible after a good night's sleep and was exhausted on Saturday, feeling hung over (and it's been about 6 years since I've had a drink of anything besides caffeine or water!).  But I am pleased to report that Saturday and Sunday nights, Mara slept all night long without needing to be fed and just a few quick minutes of fussing here and there which I promptly ignored.  We had a slight set back at my parents' house on Monday night, but I am thrilled to report that last night was another good night.  Mara slept in her crib from about 11:30 when I woke up from rocking the both of us to sleep in her room until 7:45 this morning.

And the best part is that she doesn't seem to hate me.  And thank goodness.  I am hoping this is the start of some better nights for both of us.

We're making some slow progress with transitioning Mara to whole milk in a sippy cup.  She still wants to nurse about 4-5 times a day (more frequently if I happen to be home with her- weekends, snow days, etc.) for quick little bits and makes it very clear what she wants by either lifting my shirt or getting the boppy pillow and carrying it over to me.  We'll keep slowly working our way out of it until she is drinking enough whole milk to give her what she needs.  Yesterday throughout the day she drank almost a whole sippy cup of milk (about 10 oz), so that is definite progress.  She seems to like these cups with the straws, especially if it happens to be the same cup that Lauren's milk is in.  She can't let her big sister do something that she isn't doing.

And she loves it when I clap for her when she takes a good big girl drink!

More tomorrow...