Toddler Rules

My little prince is fast asleep upstairs and my chores are done enough for some mommy fun time, so here we go. I sincerely wish I could take credit for what I'm about to post, but I can't in good conscience do that. But I have edited a bit to make it fit Joshua's quirks. I read a little blurb about the rules of toddlerhood this morning and thought all of my mommy friends would relate, and those who aren't yet mommies (but many who are anxiously awaiting their turn) deserve an honest portrait of this "career". I'm learning that there's a special code of conduct that all toddlers seem to subscribe to. They follow it unbelievable conviction.

If it's on, I must turn it off.
If it's off, I must turn it on.
If it's folded, I must unfold it.
If it's high, it must be reached.
If it's shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it's pointed, I must run with it as fast as I can.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it's plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it's not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it's in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, licked and then thrown on the floor.
If it's closed, it must be opened.
If it doesn't open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be pulled out.
If it's full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it's empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it's a stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest.
If it's tied, it must be untied.
If it's zipped, I must unzip it.
If it's put away, I must get it out.
If it's out, I don't want it. I must find something else to play with.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it's paper, it must be torn.
If it's hot, I must try to touch it.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it's a phone, I must talk into it, unless there is someone on the other end.
If it's a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it's not food, it must be tasted.
If it's food, it must not be tasted.
If it has a tail, I must yank it.
If Mommy wants me to come, I must run away.
If Mommy wants me to go away, I must cling on for dear life.
If it's sticky, it must go in my hair.
If my shirt is white, something must be spilled on it immediately.

And this, my friends, is Joshua----- to a tee! These rules are followed, one by one, for the 15-16 hours a day that he is awake. It's as if they are a checklist that he must complete.

I'll work on some pictures this evening for you. We're having a friend over for a lasagna dinner tonight, so we'll see what kind of damage Joshua can do to his outfit and hair.

We had a fabulous trip to Lewistown last night to spend some time with Nana and Pap and Aunt Libby and Uncle Zig. All afternoon we were teasing Joshua asking him where Aunt Libby was. He'd go to the door, strain to look outside for her and then come back looking very disappointed that she hadn't yet arrived. Well, when she got there, you should have seen him---- he started shaking his fists and smiling so big, yelling in Russian that he was so happy to see her. (That was my translation, anyway.) I've never seen him react that way before. But it's yet another example of our reality---- he likes Libby better than anyone else. And frankly, why wouldn't he? She's awfully cool.

Well, back to some chores before the little man awakens and begins work on "the list".