Am I thankful enough?

I started out today thinking that my post was going to be very fun-filled. It's been an awesome morning. Grandma had a doctor's appointment this morning which meant that I had the opportunity to spend the morning with my favorite little man. We had lots of things to do...which Joshua pointed out every time I crossed something off my list. He kept referring to "Mommy's List" all day, keeping me very much on track. Such a drill sergeant. We ran some errands, did some Kiwanis work, said hello to Julie and Chris at the office and then headed off for a special treat- some time at the park in Lewisburg. I swear to you, this place is Heaven for a 2 year old. Honestly. There must have been 30 toddlers running about with their mothers close by to prevent injury. Sometimes we even stepped in to assist when another mom couldn't possibly get there fast enough to prevent a trip to the ER. Luckily, no 911 calls while I was there. What fun we had! Joshua ran and giggled and climbed and slid and swung for the better part of 2 hours....and then cried all the way home because he wanted to go back. I may be able to use this as bribery, and I'm not ashamed to do so. And so, I figured that the majority of my update for today was going to be about our awesome morning together. And I hope you enjoy the pictures I snapped when we were out.






But then I got into the office. And I received an email from my friend Sue, sharing the name and story of a friend of a friend (gotta love the Internet) who just happened to have a blog about their journey to today. The friend's name is Stacy and she had a c-section this morning and gave birth to a little boy named Isaac who was in their arms for 16 minutes and then was called home to Jesus. He had Trisomy 13...a very similar condition to what Joshua had been suspected of when I was 19 weeks pregnant (that was Trisomy 18). And so I wept as I read their story, almost feeling guilty that ours had a different ending...one that led to this little, perfect person running and jumping and playing just like he's supposed to. I think back to how I would have dealt with carrying our son to term and giving birth to him with no guarantees about how long he'd live. And how we would have had the strength to handle the minutes or days that we had with him. I wonder what Jason and I ever did to deserve a different ending. And I feel ashamed of myself for ever letting a day go by that I haven't thanked God for the miracle he gave us in that ultrasound room at Geisinger when they said "We're 99% sure that your son is perfectly healthy. Go home and plan to bring a baby home in October." I'm reminded of far too many people who have experienced sorrow along their journey to parenthood, and wonder whether I've been thankful enough for the good and perfect gifts placed into my life by God. I'm sure I haven't been. I'm reminded of a scripture that tells us that we are blessed in order to be a blessing to others, and I wonder if I've done a good enough job of that too.

This journal tends to be a silly reflection on motherhood from my vantage point. A place to share photos of Joshua and stories about his conquests. But today I guess I've just been a bit more reflective. A bit more thankful after getting jolted by the story of baby Isaac. I pray for his parents today...that a peace that passes all understanding would come to them as they grieve the loss of their baby boy. So hug your kids. Be glad that they make a mess or keep you up at night. I'm going to try to.