What kind of a mother?

It seems like everywhere we have looked in the past 24 hours, everyone has been talking about the "Royal Baby".  For heavens sake, all of those crazy reporters have been camped out at the doors to the hospital for the past week!  Although I have been intrigued by the whole thing, and a bit in awe of the spectacle that the birth of a tiny little baby has created, I find myself thinking the same things every time I see the news channel switch to the story again.

I keep wondering how Kate and William are feeling about all of this.  Never mind that their new son is a Prince, or an eventual heir to the throne.  Never mind that the entire world, it seems, has been waiting for this moment since their wedding day.  Never mind that this is a baby who has been born into way more than he bargained for.  At the center of it all sits a mother and a father, in awe of the wonder of their new baby.  I just can't help but think that Kate is going through all of the same things that I and every other first time mother has experienced- all of the fears and questions and expectations and disappointments and struggles and tears and sleepless nights.  And all of the joy.  The unspeakable joy.

I heard this afternoon on my run to the bank from a CNN reporter that there are apparently no nannies in place for this sweet baby boy.  They were astonished that Kate, his mother, wanted to keep his life as normal as it can possibly be under the circumstances.  He is a future king, you know.  People seemed shocked that she wanted to be the one to hold him, soothe him when he cries, change his "nappies" and rock him to sleep.  And so, royal or not, Kate seems to be in the same place all of us were when we first held our little bundles after they arrived--- the position of deciding what kind of a mother we were going to be.

It's made me a bit reflective today, about the kind of mother I want to be.  I can only hope that I actually am.

I want to be the kind of mother that my children will remember as present through every season of their lives- the constant in a world that is so quickly changing around them.

I want to be the kind of mother who gives a hug more often than I give advice, and certainly more often than I give criticism.  I want my love to just soak through their little bodies with every embrace, every sweet kiss on their foreheads, and fill them up so much that they can't help but spill love over to others in their lives.  I want to be the kind of mother who can always shower them with love, whether they live under the same roof as Jason and I, or whether they're off at college, or living abroad or living in the town next door as adults.

I want to be the kind of mother that makes each of my children feel like I love them the best.  I want them to someday tell stories to their own children about the "special" things that I did for them to make them feel my love for them.  And I want them to learn, only then, that I did the same things for their siblings.

I want to be the kind of mother who makes it my business to make memories- ones that we will all cherish for our lifetmes.  I want to walk away from the mess in the house and sit outside and blow bubbles when I should be folding laundry.  I want to take walks when I should be picking up toys.  I want to order dinner out when I should be cooking, just to have a little more time to play.  I want to play Candyland and Go Fish instead of balancing the checkbook.  Because those are the things they are going to remember.

I want to be the kind of mother who says "yes" more often than "no"- who can find a way to make things happen when the kids ask me to.  I want to be the mother who isn't bogged down in being so efficient that I miss the chance to be connected to them.  I want to bring them to the office even if it is inconvenient, to bring them with me when I go grocery shopping even if it takes me more time to check things off of the list, to include them in everything that I do so that they feel like I always want them with me. 

I want to be the kind of mother who gives grace....who shows my children how to forgive, especially when it is the hardest to do.  To be the one who accepts a sweet, "I'm sorry" with open arms and a smile that promises them that they will always be forgiven, and who reflects the love of our Lord in the way I can promote peace and offer grace every day.

I want to be the kind of mother who lives by example- who does more teaching with my actions than my words.

I want to be the kind of mother who embraces my flaws, and actively works to improve on them.  I want my children to know that they are not perfect, that God created them with imperfections that will force them to lean on Him.  I don't ever want my children to see pride get in the way of improvement, or to see a breakdown in a relationship because I wasn't mature enough to admit my part in it.

I want to be the kind of mother who is a good example of how to love their future spouse.  I want to be the kind of wife that Joshua will dream of having, and the kind of wife that will show Lauren and Mara how to treat their husbands one day, and how to help build a home for their future children.  I want to be the kind of mother who prays for my future daughter and sons-in-law, and who will be able to love them like they were my own children one day.

I want to be the kind of mother who helps my children to celebrate their successes, but who also helps to pick them up when they fail.  I want to help them learn to view their mistakes as a momentary setback and not as a definition of who they are.  I want to tell them stories about the failures in my life- the struggles, the heartbreaks, the dreams I was devastated to let go of.  But I also want them to see the redemption in the hurt, the rebuilding of the broken, into the story of our lives.  How even the deepest heartbreak can be the opening of an opportunity at something much greater.

I want to be the kind of mother who finds the celebration in every day- who makes the night before the first day of school something special, who turns a normal Friday night into a party that they will remember, who finds a reason to celebrate something all the time.  If memories are built on shared happiness, I want to find something that we all can share to be happy about every day.

I want to be the kind of mother who tells my kids I love them at every possible opportunity.  I never want them to wonder if they are loved, if they are liked, if they are cherished and treasured like the gifts of God that they are.  I want to tell them always how grateful I am to be their mother so they never doubt for a second their worth to us or to God.