Back at it...

Christmas break was such a welcome departure from the rat race that was the first half of the school year. We had a whole week of all the things that bring me joy-- non-rushed mornings (several where the kids slept in long enough that I got to enjoy a cup of coffee all by myself), no homeowrk to do and NO LUNCHES TO PACK!  Add to that the family time and a whole lot fewer round trips to Meadowbrook, and I was a happy Mama with happy kids. After a few days, everyone settled in to "sleeping in"- which for Joshua means 6:45, Mara at 7:00 and Lauren around 8. But it sure beats the chorus of alarm clocks that normally ring for the other 4 in my tribe at 6:15 each morning. 

After a few days, the kids were ready for some activity and luckily there was a scheduled basketball clinic at the school that I could sign Lauren and Josh both up for. It was the perfect chance to get them out of the house, spare an ounce of Grandma's sanity and let them blow off some stink. 

And now, just as we have forgotten how to hustle through the morning routine, and have sunken into the glory of a 5 am workout instead of 4, our break is over. Yeayerday was like a cold bucket of wat poured onto all of us as we managed by the skin of our teeth to get out of the house before 7:35.  This morning was a little better yet. Hopefully we can get all of our morning household systems back on track again soon!

Me in 2017

I usually use this blog as a place to talk about the kids and about motherhood and the stories of our family. I love that it is a place where I can store our memories, and it has been such a gift to have recorded little day to day moments and stories that would otherwise get lost in the big story.  But as I get ready to embrace 2017 and the newness of it, I'm writing today about me, and what I want to be able to say is true at the end of this year.

I love new things- I get it from my mother.  Not large materialistic things like new cars (they scare me, as do their payments) or new houses.  But small new things bring me great joy.  The first words written in a new tablet, a brand new pen, new soap in the shower.  So maybe that's why I love the clean slate of the first day of the new year.  In business, I am on that day, ranked exactly even with every other Agent in our company.  No one has done more than I have on that day.  In everything, it is the opportunity to do well, the chance to make changes and see progress in things that the previous year had worn me out on.

For the past two years, really, I have been focused on personal goals of losing weight-- the baby weight from three pregnancies that had just hung on for way too long.  In 2015, I dropped about 40 pounds.  It was a struggle, but it worked.  In 2016, I still was looking at about 20 more I would have liked to have lost, and so I made an investment in a treadmill and a Fitbit and committed to using them almost daily.  I don't know how many days I worked out, but I know it was far more than I didn't.  My early morning workout routine became my favorite part of the day.  It was also the time that I focused on my spiritual health, watching podcasts and listening to talks that challenged my mind and my heart while I was working my body.  I'd like to tell you that the 20 pounds I hoped to lose had fallen off along those miles that I walked.  Instead, I ended 2016 about 5 pounds lighter than I started it.  That's a frustrating admission because for all of those miles I put on my sneakers (I actually wore a pair out for the first time in my life) I surely should have dropped the 20 pounds and then some.  But I had gotten into my own way...again.  All of those very solid healthy eating changes I had made in 2015 that led to my successes had been ignored and justified by the "treadmill excuse". 

And so, in 2017, I am vowing to stop beating myself.  I won't let me beat me.  And I certainly won't waste all of those early morning, pre-dawn hours when I would love to be snoozing away by putting things into my mouth without counting them and planning for them.  I know I won't be perfect, but I can be better than I was last year.  I am really hoping that, by the time 2017 ends, I will be able to say that I have reached and maintained my goal weight.

I am hoping for MORE of a lot of things-- more writing, more time studying the Bible, more connection with the friends who fill my soul.  More family time, more presence with the people I love the most in those little moments, and more cups of tea.  Mint tea, to be exact.  More water, more walking, more sleep, more date nights with my husband. 

But I'm also committing to LESS of a few things.  Less wasted time sucked up by my phone and whatever rabbit trail I get onto scrolling social media looking at people's lives that aren't mine.  The more I think about how to find time for the "more", I realize that I need to figure out where my time is going-- and mornings and evening time spent with my phone in my hand are the biggest culprits.  And so I'm trying desperately to be mindful of that. The goal is for less distraction.  Less stress.  Less rushing.  I'm not so naïve as to think that I can keep the stress from coming, but I do believe that I can minimize some of it, and I'm going to do my very best.

2017 is going to be a good year.  I can just feel it.  I'm sure it won't be perfect, but I love how it has started.  Tonight, I am tucked in at home with my people, all of us decked in our PSU gear watching our Nittany Lions capping off a fantastic dream of a season.  Although I wish we were cheering loudly with our friends tonight like we did for the Big 10 Championship, I guess we'll count our blessings that we have one more night to be together before the crazed school night schedule begins again tomorrow.

Ringing In 2017

New Year's Eve...also known as the night each year when I realize how much I am NOT a party animal, nor a socialite.  And while the idea of getting all gussied up to go out on the town (some other town besides Turbotville, of course)  (because, Turbotville) sounds nice, so does the idea of staying home with my people and wearing sweats.  It won't be hard to guess which one won out.

Jason had an officer's meeting for the Fire Department and was gone all day, so the kids and I had grand designs on getting some things crossed off our list.  We had a relatively quiet morning at home, and the kids gave me a great late Christmas gift by not killing each other long enough for me to get a workout in on the treadmill and also take a shower.  And then we headed off to the mall for some quick returns and to Target and about 50 other stores for little things I had been hoping for a minute to do and just hadn't found it until then.  We didn't return home until after 3, and then set about making a huge (and I mean huge) pot of chicken noodle soup with corn, or chicken corn soup with noodles as was the debate around our supper table last evening.  I write that down here not because it will mean anything to anyone else, but mostly because I want to remember how long we laughed about it when we were eating. 

After supper I managed to stay awake by doing laundry.  (It's a glamorous life, I'm telling you.)  Around 8:30, I was done with my piles and all of the things had been put away where they belonged and I sat down on the couch with Jason to watch football.  It's always fun when Ohio State loses, and so we had quite a nice time watching Clemson beat them.  Before long, Mara had climbed up into my lap and brought a blanket with her, and so we snuggled.  And snoozed.  (Warm blanket + couch + snuggly little person + sitting = instant sleep.)  Soon Lauren joined in.  And we slept some more.  Around 10 we woke up and seriously contemplated the value in staying up to usher in the new year, reasoning that it would still come and go even if we were asleep dreaming of all of the great things 2017 is going to hold.  But we rallied.  Jason, Lauren and Mara continued to sleep, but Josh and I did our best to stay awake.  Just to prove how exciting this whole event was, I was tickled to find this photo evidence of our New Year's Eve celebration on Joshua's ipod this morning. 

That's 4/5 of the Dugan family asleep, with only Joshua awake and raring to go.  A wilder party you have never seen.  I also wonder how Mara doesn't have a horribly sore neck after sleeping that way between Jason and me, because ouch. 

Josh, Jason and I ended up going up to bed around 11:30 and we let Josh lay in our bed with us to try to stay awake for the official ball drop.  We managed to catch Mariah Carey's train wreck of a performance which led to a whole lot of justification about how she used to be really good and was an icon of my childhood music listening.  But Josh wasn't buying it because she stunk it up really badly.  She wasn't even trying to cover up the lip syncing that was going on.  And I'm not sure what in the world she was thinking when she picked her outfit.  Because a sparkly gymnastics leotard on a 46 year old body (yes, I looked that up) is never ever ever a good idea.  The good news, after that painful experience was over, was that all three of us saw the ball drop and said Happy New Year to each other and then went to bed.  We were all asleep by approximately 12:02.  And so, one very exciting New Year's Eve celebration came to a close.

I'll post more about my plans for 2017 in the next few days.  Let's just say that one of the things I am hoping against all hope to be able to accomplish is to write more frequently.  And that will please at least three people.  Plus me, so that's 4.

Happy New Year, everyone! 

Santa Came!

I think I eluded to the fact that I wasn't feeling so "Christmas-y" this year in my previous post.  I had no good ideas, and if you're trying to define what makes a Mama stressed at Christmas, it is a list of people for whom you need to buy gifts that is entirely empty in the "what you got" category.  There were several horrible situations (horrible may be a bit dramatic, but it is how it felt) where I thought I had a perfect gift and actually purchased it, only to find that it wasn't going to work for one reason or another.  And if you want to take a Santa Mama under pressure and really turn up the heat a bit, make her buy stuff and then have to RETURN said stuff and STILL have an empty "what you got" category on your list.  It was ugly.  There were tears.  And I'm pretty sure this kind of pressure is not what the songwriter was referring to when they called Christmas "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year".  Somehow, by the grace of God, we ended up with gifts for everyone on our list.  They weren't great ones, mind you, but they were gifts.  Many gift cards exchanged because I couldn't justify spending money on things that I wasn't sure were needs or even wants for the year.  As of Christmas Eve, we were still awaiting the arrival of a few things, which arrived thanks in no small part to the hard working UPS and FedEx drivers who deserve a big raise for all of the boxes they delivered to me.  Amazon Prime has paid for itself ten times over, no question about it. 

 

Christmas Eve, I started to surrender to the whole idea that Christmas was going to be what it was going to be.  Although we were still on pins and needles about the fact that Joshua was on to our Santa tricks.  I am pretty sure he knows the truth about Santa, and has voiced his doubts on a few occasions, but I'm feeling super stuck in the parenting dilemma about when to confirm his suspicions.  I had kept all of the kids gifts, wrapped, at my office and brought them home to our house on the Thursday before Christmas Eve.  I had put them in the basement once the kids went to sleep, hoping that I could keep them out of the basement just for those two short days.  Well, imagine my stress when I got a text from Josh while at the office on Friday morning.  It said, "Lauren and I are working to clean our rooms and get rid of toys that we don't play with so that we have room for our new Christmas toys.  Can I go down to the basement to get a bin to put them in?"  I must have seemed like such a grouch when I told him "No, I don't want you guys in the basement right now."  And then he asked, "Why?"  And somehow answering him with, "Because your Christmas gifts are down there and I really don't think I can take the emotional turmoil of it being totally ruined at this late hour" didn't seem like it was a good idea.  So I just sounded like a total grump, completely unappreciative of their efforts to clean up.  The next day, Josh and Jason were playing a video game and Jason described it as a lightbulb moment for Josh when he stopped dead in his tracks and said, "I think I've got it!  Mommy wouldn't let me go into the basement because our Christmas presents are down there!"  To which we did the only thing that you can possibly do on the day before Christmas Eve that is likely the last year of a Santa Christmas believer with your 10 year old.  You lie.  I just couldn't have that talk with him so close to Christmas. 

 

And so, the magic of Christmas continued as the kids awoke with wide eyes and huge shrieks to see that Santa had, in fact, arrived while they slept.  They were thrilled. 

 

Their lists weren't very big this year, and many items had been scooped up by others who were also buying for them, so Santa was forced to find things they would love that they hadn't asked for.  Tricky, but I was pleased that it was successful.  Josh's big gift was tickets to see the Newsboys in Wilkes Barre (his first real concert) in February.  He was shocked and thrilled.  He also got a PSU fathead for his room that he loved and couldn't believe he had gotten.  Lauren and Mara had both asked for American Girls, so they were really excited about them.  Lauren also got some Lego Friends sets and was a champ at putting them together.  Another favorite for Mara was a very real looking makeup set that, thankfully, is not real.  But she doesn't seem to know that.  She has been giving everyone makeovers for the past week. 

 

 

We enjoyed Christmas with the Dugan side of our family on Christmas afternoon and evening.  We enjoyed lots of laughs and some good dinner together, and a few whiskey slushes, which for this non-drinker, were a highlight.  It was so nice to have everyone together in our home and we were really thankful for them all taking the time to spend it together with us.  Everyone has been so kind to understand that we don't want to tear our kids away from their toys to go somewhere else for Christmas.

Christmas continued on Monday when the Richard side of our family gathered again at our house to celebrate together.  We had a very traditional meal of ---- smoked meatloaf and homemade mac and cheese and baked beans, with ice cream sandwich dessert to finish it off.  Needless to say, all of us declared a food detox that was to begin immediately  We're all thinking that after the month or so of continuous holiday celebrations and parties, we won't need to eat again until sometime around mid-March.

Tree Lot Christmas 12.20.16

It's no secret that my heart has been a little less light and jolly this Christmas than in past years.  I have allowed the season to stress me instead of enjoying it.  I have focused on a lack of ideas for gifts, and the shuffle to make sure the piles for the kids are even, that we have appropriate gifts for our parents that accurately reflect how much we appreciate them.  And in doing all of that, I have gotten way off track.  Well...somehow God always knows when we need a reset, and He gave it to me last week at the kids' Christmas program at school.  Typically, these programs are just a compilation of some Christmas music that the kids have worked on in school.  It's always enjoyable, but this year was really special.  The kids performed what I can only describe as a mini-cantata, with a drama piece and some fantastic music as well.  Joshua had been selected, based on his audition for the spring musical, to play one of the parts in the show, and we had been practicing his lines for a few weeks.  I didn't really get the whole idea, though, until the night of the show.

The story was about a local Christmas tree lot, and the people who worked there.  There was a business owner who had rented out one of his lots for the sale of these trees who only seemed to be focused on the material side of Christmas.  But the kids delivered the Gospel through their parts, and brought anyone in that auditorium back to a realization of what Christmas is and what it isn't.  Josh performed his heart out, with a whole bunch of speaking parts, motions and a solo even.  He got to perform with one of his best friends from his class, and the two of them were really fun to watch.  Some have even commented after the fact that they stole the show.  It was extra special to be able to see Lauren and Josh up there together for the first time.  And that sweet girl of ours was just singing her little heart out for Jesus.  She knew every motion and every word.

Needless to say, the whole thing was a start into getting my heart right to be able to celebrate Christmas the right way this year.  Not only were we proud parents of our own kids, we were proud to be a part of the Meadowbrook family that night as well.  And proud of the work and commitment from our music teacher who makes it a priority to teach the kids not only about music, but also how to use it to touch people's hearts.

During the show, Mara sat with us and was extremely well behaved considering the time of the evening and how quickly she had to shovel her supper into her little face before leaving for the show.  She loved watching Josh and Lauren up there, and mentioned a few times that she can't wait to be up there with them.  I told her not to be in such a big hurry to get too big too fast.  To which she quickly replied, "Well I AM basically 5."  Little does she know how I am savoring every bit of her still being 4 for as long as I can.  Five seems so big.  And 4 seems not quite so much.

Here are a few pictures of our crew doing their thing.  I was so thankful for my super zooming lens on the camera for this particular show.  We had good seats, but even with being there an hour before the show, it was a mad dash to get in for a decent seat.  I was talking to another Mom in the line before the doors opened about our shared anxiety over the securing of seats for performances there.  I'm not alone, but it seems ridiculous to have to be at the school more than an hour ahead of a show to get a seat where you can see your children well.  I guess it is a blessing that so many people care about our kids enough to come out to all of their special programs.  But it stresses a stressed Mama out.  Thanks to the zoom lens, though, we were able to get some decent photos to remember this night.

Thanksgiving 2016

We were oh so pleased to leave behind the sickness that plagued our household for the entire beginning of the month of November.  Truly, it was 3 weeks of yuck around here, which ended with Jason knocking on death's door over the week leading up to Thanksgiving.  He even agreed to go to the doctor--- which is saying something.  Luckily, whatever the crud was that had everyone but me down for the count seemed to have been chased out by our sheer hope and blind faith that somehow we'd all see the other side of this thing.  I am almost convinced that it was flu-esque, and that explains why I was spared, because I am the only one of us who has had my flu shot this year.  I've had the kids scheduled to get theirs a few times, and each time it was either cancelled by the doctor's office due to lack of vaccine supply, or someone was starting with the illness.  And so...consider me grateful, first and foremost, for three children and a husband who were once again vertical and no longer hacking up lungs in order to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday.

Wednesday of last week was what I will lovingly call a whirlwind where I failed every single person in my family.  First was poor Toby (not a person, I know, but go with me on this) who gave me the saddest look when we dropped him off at the kennel.  He seemed all excited when we got in the car-- I think, in his mind, he was thinking, "Oh isn't this so nice, they're taking me for a ride..." which was quickly followed by, "Oh crap...not this place."  Once we were in the door, he quickly turned and tried to make a bee line for the back door to leave again.  That broke my heart.  Lucky for me, there wasn't much time to lament the poor holiday accommodations for our furry friend, because I had not one or two, but three school parties to attend.  Please know that these parties lasted a total of 2 hours, but not the same 2 hours if that makes any sense.  I thought I had it figured out when to go to each classroom and how much time I could spend there, but it all fell apart when Lauren had a skit that she wanted me to see that coincided with policing Josh's class snacks to make sure the coast was clear on peanut food (it wasn't, by the way, which is why I was there).  I should add that Mara was having no part of me leaving her classroom to go to the others'.  And so, all three were disappointed in the amount of time I got to spend with each of them, and I was left sweating and very stressed by the time we left to come home.  Friends (who were still in the classrooms with their children) were sending me pictures of each of the kids doing their thing which was so sweet, but it made me realize that I'm going to need reinforcements for the Christmas parties if we're going to make this work.

We left for Lewistown around 2:00 after getting packed up and ready to go.  I don't think we've been to Mom and Dad's for an overnight since the summer, so it was so nice to think about the idea of staying there with them for 2 nights.  The kids were thrilled.  We were all sad to learn that Brooke and Hayden were both a bit under the weather, but after a sad Wednesday night, they surely didn't seem sick at all and we all had a great time.  We watched lots of movies, laughed a whole bunch, ate a delicious meal and even had some arts and crafts time with Aunt Libby and Uncle Zig in their garage when Nana and Pap needed some quiet time at the house sans 5 rambunctious kids.  We stayed until Friday morning, and really did have a wonderful visit.  

When we got home Friday, we had big plans to get the house decorated for Christmas prior to going to pick up Toby at the kennel.  Since we couldn't get him until 5:00, it was perfect for us to get the tree up and the rest of our Christmas decorations prior to bringing him back home.  There's just something about getting the tree up and seeing all of the lights and colors of the holiday décor.  It makes me want to sit in the dark living room, with only the tree lights on, with a cup of coffee and a good book.  I've been obliging myself that luxury between 6:00-6:30 each morning, not with a book, but while I put my makeup on before heading in to the office.  It's as good as it's going to get, so I'll take it. 

Hopefully you enjoyed the pictures.  We have so much to be thankful for that one day really doesn't seem like enough time to ponder it all.  Suffice it to say that this family of mine-- imperfect as we all are-- is on the top of the list this year for me.  So grateful for a few days to spend with them just being together.

Sick City

I should warn you that this just might be the most uplifting, inspiring thing you read all day.  Either that or the most depressing.  And I'm pretty sure it's not the first one.

Welcome to Sick City, population 5.  To say it has been a week would be an understatement.  I've called it my "Sickcation" and a few other things that probably aren't appropriate for repeating on the internet.  After ten straight days of battling this thing...I can say only a few things for certain.  First, we still don't know what it even is.  It was suspected that Lauren and Josh started with strep, but it hasn't acted at all like strep other than the first day or so of symptoms.  So what we're doing to treat it seems more like dealing with symptoms than treating the underlying cause.  And the second thing I can tell you for certain is that we are more than ready for a return to the normal routine.  I feel totally out of my schedule, out of control of events and disconnected from the office.  And none of those are happy feelings for me. 

This all started literally 5 minutes before we were ready to walk out the door to the Penn State game on November 5th.  Josh started complaining about a headache, and Lauren was sacked out on the chair.  Both things we chalked up to the fact that we had friends here from out of town who had arrived late on Friday night, which had all of the kids awake far later than normal.  But there was a gut feeling that I had that said there might be something more to this.  I should add that we survived September and October with nary a sniffle in this house, which I was feeling pretty good about.  But when supper time hit at the game and Josh was crying with a headache, and then we got the report that Lauren was in a similar situation here with the babysitter, we knew that we were in trouble.

Lauren met us, still on the couch, when we came in around midnight from the game, and we started to battle fever.  Josh's fever started shortly after.  After a long night, we opted for Urgent Care on Sunday morning and then proceeded to wait over 3 hours to be seen there.  I really was thinking it was strep based on the symptoms and our unfortunate past experience, which made waiting the long time worth it since the medicine was really the only way to make them better.  And in our experience, a day or two of meds usually has the kids up and about like nothing ever happened.  I was in favor of starting that day or two clock sooner rather than later.  And so, we waited.  Lauren was the sicker of the two, and was not appreciating the fact that she was sitting in an uncomfortable waiting room instead of being curled up on the couch.  Josh's strep test was negative, and Lauren's was.....well, she wouldn't let the nurse swab her throat to find out.  As in, had both hands covering her mouth, violently shaking her head "no" as if to say, "STEP BACK!  I am having NO part in your strep test."  This defiance threw me for a loop, because this is Lauren we're talking about and she is the easy one.  Normally just a stern look snaps her into shape.  It's rare that words are necessary.  But on this particular morning, after this particular amount of waiting, she was digging in her heels.  And on this particular day, after the long night of not sleeping, and this particular amount of waiting in a waiting room with three children, I also was digging in mine.  On the nurse's second attempt to swab her throat, Lauren took a swing at the nurse and managed to hit her.  I was at once dumbfounded and also the most humiliated I have ever been.  And it was in that particular moment that I thought I would beat this child in public.  She knew she was in major trouble.  The nurse left, the doctor came in and suggested that we would just have to wait this out because they would not treat strep without the test being positive.  After the morning we'd had, I wasn't in favor of that plan.  But I also wasn't really in favor of motherhood at all at that moment.  I asked the doctor if she would try one more time, and Lauren finally obliged.  They said her test was positive, although I wonder now if they didn't do that just to get us a prescription and get us the heck out of that office.  Frankly, I wouldn't have blamed them.  I made Lauren find the nurse and tell her she was sorry for her behavior, and then I also apologized, began to cry and ushered my sickos out of the office, never to return again I hope.

See....I told you this was uplifting material.

What followed was 5 days of the kids laying on the couch.  Motrin every 6 hours to battle raging fever.  And no difference whatsoever from the medicine.  During this time, Mara has been healthy, so I've been doing the running with her to school while Jason sat with the big kids at home until I got back.  Then we'd wait for Judy to come down a little later, and I would go to pick Mara up at 11 and take her to the office with me to keep her out of the germs as much as possible.  We also took about 435 vitamins during this time, almost willing ourselves NOT to get sick.

Lauren and Josh finally went back to school on Thursday, later in the morning because we all had just had ENOUGH.

Which brings me to Thursday night.  I was at the school for the first of two meetings when I got a text from Jason, who was home with the kids, that said "Mara is crying and hot."  And I knew I was doomed.  So I left the meeting and came home to snuggle yet another sick baby who felt like garbage.  I stayed with her on Friday because she needed to go to the doctor, and because her fever was spiking so high and so fast when the Motrin wore off that she was shaking and that was making me super nervous.  Luckily, or not, this happened when we were sitting in the doctor's office waiting for her strep test (which was negative) to come back, so the doctor got to witness it and tell me what was going on.  So the rest of our Friday was spent snuggled on the couch with me accomplishing nothing and watching a whole lot of Disney Jr.  Which was definitely not the Young and the Restless or This is Us that I had hoped to catch up on.   

The big kids perked WAY up on the weekend.  Lauren had a pile of work to do for school, part of which was to disguise a turkey so that it wouldn't get eaten for Thanksgiving.  We had the most fun with it!  I hadn't ever heard of this project before, but it was a blast to work with her on.  She made a list of supplies she wanted me to get for her, and then we worked on Friday night to assemble her turkey disguised as a Christmas tree, hoping that it would keep him safe from becoming Thanksgiving dinner.  I can't wait to see what the other kids came up with when we go in to school next week for their Thanksgiving parties.  Mara seemed to perk up on Friday night as well and her fever was down nicely.  So I thought maybe we were on the upswing.

Saturday was Hayden's birthday party in Lewistown, and also another special event I had wanted to participate in, so when she woke up happy on Saturday morning with no fever, we decided that 24 hours on meds had done the trick for Mara and headed to Libby and Zig's for the party.  All was well until about 4:00 when Mara's fever came back and she ran out of steam.  That happened again after attending church on Sunday morning and we have been dealing with recurring fever ever since.  I have kept her home from school yesterday and today again because I can't get the fever to leave us the heck alone.  To say I've just about had it is an understatement.  I'm hanging my hopes on the fact that day 5 was when Lauren and Josh went back to school, and hoping that tomorrow is the last day of this mess for the kids.

And dear Lord, please have mercy on my soul and keep me from getting whatever this is.  The prayer of my heart.

A little catching up...

As I begin to write this post, the clock reads 9:14 on Wednesday evening.  Any responsible American who is still awake at this hour should probably be watching the final Presidential debate, during which Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton will continue to attempt to convince all of us as voters that they are the right person to lead the United States for the next four years.  I can say without a hint of uncertainty that I have zero interest in watching such a circus act, and find it sickening that we are about to find ourselves living in a country that either one of them is the leader of.

Jason is away this week, which means it is just the kids and I flying solo.  So far, we're doing great.  We have been doing silly things like eating pancakes and bacon for supper last night and then going out into the hot tub for a bit before bed.  We have been snuggling on the couch and working together to put away laundry.  It's been oh so glamorous.  But so far so good.  My goal for these times that Jason is away is usually to get to bed early since I feel no pressure after the kids are in bed to be social, and have no guilt whatsoever about spending time inspecting the insides of my eyelids as opposed to having conversation with my husband.  Tonight, though, I thought I would share some pictures and do a little catching up from the past few weeks since I've slowed down with the blogging.  Again.  Lord, have mercy.

Two weekends ago, we were FINALLY able to get to our first PSU game of the season.  We opted to take the kids along with us, which proved once and for all that the girls aren't quite ready.  Mara was pretty scroochy (I have no earthly clue how to spell that) and Lauren was bored before halftime.  They were pleased, however, that Brooke and Aunt Libby were along with us for the game, and quite enjoyed taking silly pictures on my phone camera and just being together.  Lucky for all of us we stayed pretty dry and got to see a decisive victory over Maryland in front of a homecoming crowd in Beaver Stadium.  I already can't wait to get there this weekend for the big OSU matchup.

On Sunday the 9th, the kids and I walked in the CROP walk in Milton. I wasn't sure how far the kids would make it, but they all three finished the three mile course without so much as a single gripe or moan.  I was super proud of them!  Mara's little legs didn't go the fastest, but I didn't carry her at all and she did a great job.

This past Friday, the 14th, was exciting because I got to go with Joshua on his historical field trip with his class as well as the 3rd grade classes.  We had a nice day touring around historical sites in Union County.  I honestly never would have known the amount of history that has taken place right around where we live.  The kids got to see the Dale-Engle-Walker house, an historic church and cemetery and an old one room school house.  While the kids rode in the bus, the moms (and a few brave dads) were piled into cars and following along behind the bus.  I always love spending time with this particular group of mothers.

This past Saturday, the kids and I helped at the Kiwanis Club's Woolly Worm Festival in Lewisburg.  This is our silly take on Punxsutawney Phil and his weather forecast predictions for the upcoming winter.  The only issue this year was a surprising lack of woolly worms to use for the weather predictions and to let the kids race them for prices.  The kids loved walking around and even managed to convince me to let them get their faces painted.

And then, this is tonight.  Sacked out on the chair, Dora  blanket and little puppy all snuggled up together.  For as crazy as this child makes me, she melts me just as much.  Sweet dreams all!

Seven

Dear Lauren,

It was 7 years ago that you made me a Mommy of a little girl.  I was totally blindsided by how much I would love mothering a daughter, and how special the relationship would be between the two of us.  Before you were born, early in the morning on September 30, 2009 (sharing the birthday with Dr. Miller, I should add, who reminded me of this no less than a hundred times on the day you were born), I was comfortable with the mothering of a sweet little boy-- who loved to wrestle and throw football, pretended to be a superhero for the majority of every single day, and who loved his tool bench more than he loved me.  I shopped in the "blue" section of all the stores-- finding little sweater vests and things with fire trucks on them.  Everything Josh liked had to do with tractors and trucks and Spider-Man.  And then along came you.  Immediately I knew that I had no idea what I was doing.  From the moment we met, you were surprising me with all of the newness of you and all of the things we would learn together.  What an adventure it has been for us both.  Every day I'm pretty sure I fail you and do the best for you...both at the same time. 

You have taught me not to set expectations, because sometimes what God has in store is way better than anything we can cook up in our own minds.  We have learned how to choose dresses and fix hair and play baby dolls and color and snuggle and navigate dance lessons.  I have learned about the softness of your emotions and the huge dreams God has planted in your heart.  I have witnessed you with the way you care for your sister and your brother, always seeking out ways to help them and show them love, even when they least deserve it.  You have shown me what patience and grace look like, and I know that I'm not the only one you inspire with that.  You have a mind that seeks to understand, and the persistence to keep digging on a subject until you learn enough to feel comfortable.  Out of all three of the children in our family, you are the one that I think is the most like me.  All emotion.  All raw, pure, unadulterated feelings that drive what you do and say and think.  But you got the best of your Daddy as well-- that perseverance that will allow you to reach any goal you set for yourself, and the drive to get there.

I dream a lot of big dreams for you, sweet girl.  I know that God has HUGE plans for your life, and I pray every day that you'll follow His lead in everything you do.  With a heart like yours, and smarts to match, there is just no limit to what you can do.  I cannot think of any greater honor than to get the blessing to be your Mom through it all.  You are a joy and a treasure, Lauren Elizabeth.  I could not possibly love you any more than I do.

And so, for your birthday, I pray the same prayer I pray for you every night at bedtime.  Lord God, please bless Lauren and keep her.  Please make Your face to shine upon her and be gracious to her.  And God, please look on her with Your favor, and grant her Your peace.

I'll love you forever,

Mommy